We Should All Be Feminists

I think it’s very easy for us who aren’t necessarily affected to assume that harassment isn’t happening, until it’s highlighted by those on the receiving end. Especially if you’re the respectable type of person whose immediate and extended circle of friends and family are carefully chosen and likeminded.

It’s very much a reality though, and you need only glance at the comments on Facebook underneath articles about harassment to see just how scarily present it is. 9/10 there’s a large outpouring of support for the harasser, and that is quite frankly very worrying.

There are small ways of challenging everyday sexism. For example, when a woman is talked over in a meeting we can say something like “x just said something that I didn’t quite hear. Can you repeat it?” Or if someone says something that is dismissed and subsequently accepted when a man says it we can say “ oh yes, that’s what x said and I thought was a good idea”. So often this doesn’t happen. More often than not people watch what is happening and let it go. Because of this it can be hard for the person on the receiving end to speak up “that was my idea” can seem petty or like sour grapes. I wouldn’t challenge aggressive behaviour for fear of escalation, but I have literally stood beside women who are on the receiving end of threats etc. I make a point of never turning a blind eye to situations where women (or anyone for that matter) are under threat.

There was a good story (I'll link back if i can find it) about how just engaging a woman in conversation if say she's being harassed on public transport is a good tactic. So just asking 'hi how are you' making banal conversation etc etc as it's non confrontational and distracts somewhat. Of course again a guy wading in with 'hey are you ok? can I help?' has a good effect as well (as in to say men don't have to confront the attacker either if they aren't comfortable but can still help).

The other side of this we haven't touched on yet, as much, is women building up women. So whether that's if you're successful in your field at work, helping and supporting more 'junior' women, or simply cheerleading your friends and encouraging them to pursue their passions (career or otherwise) it's the women supporting women side that is just as powerful as that, you know little job of fighting the patriarchy.

I recently had two very different experiences of this (those of you who know me will know EXACTLY who and what I'm talking about). Where within days I had a woman, very succesful in her field 'reaching back' and helping in even a very small way to pull me up too, to support me and above all just be a cheerleader for what I'm doing in my career. And it's not about receiving 'praise' or even validation, though nothing wrong with that. It's certainly no 'leg up' what is valuable there is a woman who has been successful telling someone trying to be, 'well done, you got this keep at it'

On the other side, I got torn to SHREDS by a fellow woman, I'd say at an equal life/career stage, who proceeded to tell me I had no 'right' to a career 'win' I'd gained, and to proceed to tell me all the ways I was inferior and not entitled to something, ultimately that she wanted but hadn't got. That was a friend of 8 years. Now we're all human and jealousy rears its head, but feminism is also about supporting your fellow women, cheering them on (even through gritted teeth sometimes).

At work I have always preferred the wisdom of women over the cockiness of the opinionated male, in one Team I managed, an intelligent woman lacking in confidence when supported to contribute spoke more sense than anyone else in the room.

Some behaviour by men towards women I have seen since I have moved to London has been quite shocking, having mostly lived in rural areas where you more likely to be ‘known’ I wonder if the anonymity of the metropolis drives behaviour that would not be tolerated elsewhere.

As society moves from the traditional male bias and the predominantly better educated women begin to move to influential positions we can hopefully move on from the sh*tstorm we men have made of the World and the men who harass which I believe comes from inferiority in the same way that the most homophobic men are likely protesting too much, are shown up to be the small minded idiots they are.


One thing I do find confusing though, on the few occasions I have perused a ‘Woman’s Magazine, I am always surprised that nearly every article and advert is about attractiveness over just about everything else and continues to perpetuate the myth attractiveness is all. I cannot see why women consume what I perceive as patronising drivel.

Recently I walked in Hanley in Stoke-on-Trent, and this man approached me saying he needed to get to the hospital as his wife was giving birth, and he didn't know how to get there. Thinking he was asking for directions, I apologised for not being local, and stopped a passing gentleman to see if he knew.

The guy had me with my back to a wall, waved on the man, and said 'I don't need directions, I need you to give me £5 to get there.'. I got so angry. How bloody dare he. He was trying to intimidate me into giving him money. I gave him what for and pushed past.

Kudos to the gentleman, he did stop to make sure I was able to get away.

It made me so angry though, plenty of people were walking there but he targeted a woman on her own, and backed me into a wall. Unfortunately for him I live in a city where I am often approached with bullsh*t like that.

SPOILER ALERT

But she ended up reduced to a pile of ash in that film!

A few years ago I saw a couple pull this routine twice in different parts of SW London, weeks apart. I thought, wow they still haven't reached the hospital yet then...

It was on the Sunday-morning, as I was walking to the bus station. I'm well used to them, living in Bristol, once had the same guy approach me three times in the same spot in the same week with the 'ran out of petrol'-story. I'm not easily intimidated (at 5'9 and 17 stone), they will soon know they picked the wrong girl.

I've had people asking to change money and then trying to walk off without giving you your change.

I've even had a pair of beggars and one asks me something and when I ignore the first one the other says my friend was talking to you. I talk who I choose to was my response.

The actual worse one I had was when I had come out of a theatre and someone came up and asked me for taxi money and said he was the son of an elderly couple stood over the road who had just come out of said show. I said lets go and ask them and he soon disappeared muttering under his breath.

I gave someone £2 because she was an absolutely terrible actress. When it got to the point where she decided to have three broken ribs I was close to losing it so I gave her the money and left.