Adventures in Theatreland (add 3 words & continue the story)

She bit into...

thinking it was

to rapturous applause

yelled "Gordon's Alive!" 

Swahili for 'Macavity!'.

Adventures in Theatreland - Part 1

Once upon a time, Cameron Mackintosh walked into a Speilgeltent in Dortmund after hearing a rumour that Andrew Lloyd Webber was rewriting Cats as ‘Dogs The Musical’. So he rang Sonia Friedman, who cast her sister as understudy to Gemma Collins, and Carrie Hope Fletcher loved the idea of staying home and never singing in Dortmund. Ever.

Meanwhile, back in Pantoland, Nigel Havers and Elaine Paige fight over a Chocolate fudge cake belonging to Julian Assange, which surprisingly wasn't an euphemism.
Suddenly, from nowhere an angry badger appeared onstage and sang a short version of the Circle of Life which received a ‘Cease and Desist’. Then, Ian McKellen, the homosexual actor, stormed on stage brandishing a big sceptre that he had stolen from the bishop of Sodor and Man and sang about his love of LuPone, Staunton and the North West - where Covid restrictions are essential, but then, from backstage, Dame Judi Dench gave out a very croaky “Memory” of when she broke wind by firmly squeezing her Elaine Paige photograph, which then disintegrated as if it were her achilles. But in reality Sondheim was King Leah’s understudy, begrudgingly accepting the role one one condition: at each performance a hunky man sold ice cream dressed in a Hamilton-style uniform which was tight. Arguably explicitly tight. No room for reaching for a dropped strawberry Mivvi.
Nevertheless, the show must go on; but not Thriller - which was crap - even Michael Jackson died of shame!

Elsewhere, at the Fluffy Coconut Bar (a) Carmen Miranda tribute farted loudly and dislodged his pear drop up his tonsils, which caused a positive Covid test, however his Doctor confirmed that all being well his rather inflamed nasal cavities would live to see Martin Guerre revived staring Amanda Holden at the Dominion. By then, Tottenham Court Road had become awashed with Thriller Live revivals, much to the confusion of Japanese tourists and dignitaries. The poor Ambassador was exiting to eat Ferroro Rocher at a swanky bondage club, allegedly, with British Politicians. The Daily Mail Editor attended with Piers Morgan, who hacked the phone of Patti LuPone only to see a large pair of Gucci shoes that he wanted in her texts.
“Well spank me” Patti shouted at Elaine Paige and her brother, Robert.
“Not again” said former Prime Minister Tony Blair who was one again wondering where Cherie had placed her Theatre Tokens.
Luckily, Claire Sweeney was finished with Alastair Darling who was appearing in ‘Everybody’s Going Crazy for Nobbys Nuts the Musical on ice’ at Somerset House.
Disney’s ‘Hercules’ was holding open auditions and Nigel Farage thought he would play Cyclops, however, when he saw the foreign Director, a chandelier fell on his ivory and ebony loafers killing him immediately. The End. Or Not?

Meanwhile, Elvis had left the chip shop and was heading to a bra shop in London’s glittering Old Kent Road for a couple of cheeseburger sized souvenir brochures for ‘Mamma Mia!’. Effectively bankrupt, instead he invested in several ear trumpets and pink leg warmers that Priscilla said suited him nicely.
Suddenly, Bonnie Langford and Brian Blessed whispered to each other “you make the best sourdough this side of Dudley Castle and Lenny Henry’s childhood“. She bit into his fleshy earlobe thinking it was a coconut macaroon to rapturous applause and an obligatory yelled “Gordon’s Alive!” which could be Swahili for 'Macavity!'.

Following the Overture...

Overacted his Norma

at an usher

souvenir fruit product.

and tasted of

was made regarding