Your Biggest English Language Gripes

The rot set in when newsreaders (who had often been actors) stopped wearing dinner suits to broadcast. These days the BBC is all about 'regional voices'.

New recruits should be made to watch recordings of Ken at al!

I've recently had cause to give out my personal details on the phone. On three occasions it has gone something like this:

What's your surname?
Tibidabo
Amazin'. And your first name?
Dame
Amazin'. And your address?
Tibidabo Towers
Amazin'. Post code?
UR4 T1T
That's amazin'. Thank you.

Totally new one on me. And makes me want to scream. I'll let you know when one of them slips up and actually says Amazeballs accidentally. 

I've been working SO hard to be less prescriptivist about spelling, punctuation, or grammar unless I'm reasonably confident the person I'm talking to would be open to hearing it (more than one blogger of my acquaintance has actively stated they welcome any corrections I may wish to point out, as long as I do it kindly), but I've spotted some really bizarre malapropisms lately, even on this very board. I'm leaving them alone, because the meaning is still fairly clear even if the word is completely not what they were reaching for, but it turns out that malapropisms test my patience far more than any rogue apostrophe or "should of" ever could.

Although, with the malapropisms and mangling of phrases, sometimes it's deliberate because you're quoting something or someone that isn't recognized by the person who's judging you!
For instance, I often say "It's not rocket surgery" which is obviously a mash up of "It's not brain surgery" and "It's not rocket science"
I picked this up from Kat Von D, but maybe she doesn't use it ironically at all??😂

Fun fact: 'malapropism' is named after Mrs Malaprop, a character in Brinsley Sheridan's 1775 play The Rivals.

I’m so going to do this. Nobody talk to me! I’m incognito!

I join those who despise the phrase, "I was sat".

Should we also say, "I was ate a pizza" by that logic?

I'm aware that I do this but it's genuinely a problem of hasty typing, not ignorance. Today, to join the shudder-inducing you's, I saw he's used- as in "lost he's marbles.."

And "pastime" is only one!

English is considered to be one of the easier languages to learn, but for some reason many native speakers of English act as though knowing your own language is a feat so difficult to master that they should be excused for being no good at it. Do native speakers of other languages do the same thing? Do Russians claim Russian is beyond them? Is Greek all Greek to the Greeks?* Do the Welsh say "What do you mean, the P becomes a B?" I'd be surprised if this is a uniquely English thing but I've never heard anything to suggest it isn't.

* The answer is obviously "yes", but you know what I mean.

YES. I was going to put this. It bugs me more than any other for some reason, maybe for reasons stated in that link. It's not one where it's potentially confusing as to where to put an apostrophe (e.g. you're/your) or a difficult spelling. Alot is simply not a word!!