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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2018 19:16:57 GMT
And not just fans with stars, as a woman I’ve been on the receiving end of anger from many a man if I’ve politely dismissed him. A friend was telling me about someone she blocked on Instagram after he became angry when she told him he was sending her too many messages and making her uncomfortable. The dude then set up a new insta account so he could continue to message her. This sh*t is NOT OK!! Oh god so much this. I mean any woman who has been on dating sites has had the man who won't take no. But also just being a woman existing in the world leaves you open to all manner of unsolicited messages. And no men, it's not just being 'friendly' it's harassment.
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Post by rockinrobin on Nov 7, 2018 19:56:54 GMT
What's particularly disturbing is that we're not talking about hormone-struck teenagers here. We're talking about adult people - in their 30s, 40s, 50s... - who get so obsessed with their favourite actors that they kind of think they own them. Of course, they are closer to them than ever because of social media but still, if you've been living on this planet for some time, then FFS, you should understand that Twitter, Instagram et cetera are NOT reality. And also, while it's not impossible to actually become friends with the artist you admire - I don't think there are many artists under the sun who'd happily befriend someone who tweets them 80 times a day, and who insults their friends and relatives.
Anyway, the worst thing I've ever seen so far this year was a person literally getting in the actor's way and trying to hug him. He managed it quite well and walked away but that whole situation was genuinely creepy. I mean, when I walk down the street and see a handsome guy walking in my direction, I don't stop him to squeeze him (maybe that's why I never got married...) - why would you do that to an actor? Actors, even if their face is the first thing you see in the morning because you used their headshots as your bedroom wallpaper, are still strangers to you and you are a stranger to them. Of course, if you ask politely, you'll probably get your hug. Earlier this year, at the Wyndham's stage door, I saw a guy who managed to get a photo with Jeremy Irons (despite abundant "no photos" signs and warnings) simply because he was nice and very kindly asked for it, fully aware that his request would probably be refused. And he heard "OK". Of course, if an actor clearly just wants to go home, you should respect it, full stop. But if you really, really want this autograph/selfie/handshake/hug AND if your beloved thespian is not in rush - just be kind and ask. No need to force them to do something against their will.
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Post by Roxie on Nov 7, 2018 20:38:09 GMT
And not just fans with stars, as a woman I’ve been on the receiving end of anger from many a man if I’ve politely dismissed him. A friend was telling me about someone she blocked on Instagram after he became angry when she told him he was sending her too many messages and making her uncomfortable. The dude then set up a new insta account so he could continue to message her. This sh*t is NOT OK!! Oh god so much this. I mean any woman who has been on dating sites has had the man who won't take no. But also just being a woman existing in the world leaves you open to all manner of unsolicited messages. And no men, it's not just being 'friendly' it's harassment. I wish I could triple like this post! We need a separate thread of all the daily struggles of being a woman! A lot of men don’t realise how ingrained it is in many women to be wary of strange men, and how we modify our behaviour and risk assess constantly for our safety. There was a really interesting thread on twitter recently where someone proposed ‘imagine all men have a 9pm curfew - what would you do?’ And the replies were things like ‘go to the supermarket alone’ ‘go for a run after dark’ ‘take that shortcut through the park’ so many men expressed that they had no idea women worry or think about these things, it didn’t occur to them! However hard we fight for parity, men will always be generally bigger and stronger than women so there will always be that fear.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2018 20:47:03 GMT
Oh god so much this. I mean any woman who has been on dating sites has had the man who won't take no. But also just being a woman existing in the world leaves you open to all manner of unsolicited messages. And no men, it's not just being 'friendly' it's harassment. I wish I could triple like this post! We need a separate thread of all the daily struggles of being a woman! A lot of men don’t realise how ingrained it is in many women to be wary of strange men, and how we modify our behaviour and risk assess constantly for our safety. There was a really interesting thread on twitter recently where someone proposed ‘imagine all men have a 9pm curfew - what would you do?’ And the replies were things like ‘go to the supermarket alone’ ‘go for a run after dark’ ‘take that shortcut through the park’ so many men expressed that they had no idea women worry or think about these things, it didn’t occur to them! However hard we fight for parity, men will always be generally bigger and stronger than women so there will always be that fear. I want to triple like this and then highlight it for the Moderators of this board in particular to know why we women 'moan' so much about male behaviour on this board. It's because as women we are TIRED of it, and some of us are fighting back in the little ways we can. Because out in the 'real world' we often don't dare. Yesterday a man took a photo of me at the gym. I saw him do it. Did I challenge him? no because it was early and hardly anyone was around and it wasn't worth it. That's the tip of an annoying, often threatening, always frustrating iceberg. EVERY. DAY.
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Post by Dawnstar on Nov 7, 2018 21:01:14 GMT
I want to triple like this and then highlight it for the Moderators of this board in particular to know why we women 'moan' so much about male behaviour on this board. It's because as women we are TIRED of it, and some of us are fighting back in the little ways we can. Because out in the 'real world' we often don't dare. I'm surprised that it's a problem on this board because most of the male contributors seem to be gay so I'm surprised that they would be interested in harassing the female contributors. Or is it only in the Musicals section, which is what I mostly read, that the male contributors seem to be mainly gay and the Plays section, which I don't read much, has more straight male contributors so is more problematic?
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2018 21:18:14 GMT
I want to triple like this and then highlight it for the Moderators of this board in particular to know why we women 'moan' so much about male behaviour on this board. It's because as women we are TIRED of it, and some of us are fighting back in the little ways we can. Because out in the 'real world' we often don't dare. I'm surprised that it's a problem on this board because most of the male contributors seem to be gay so I'm surprised that they would be interested in harassing the female contributors. Or is it only in the Musicals section, which is what I mostly read, that the male contributors seem to be mainly gay and the Plays section, which I don't read much, has more straight male contributors so is more problematic? It's not harassment per se it's the way that some Board Members feel it's ok to talk about/to women, making misogyinistic comments, throwing around comments about appearance and weight, comments like 'whore' cropping up over and over...I could go on but that's the general gist. I couldn't say where on the board it's worse, but there's an increasing air of subtle but noticeable dislike for women that makes this an unpleasant place to be. Especially as a blind eye is turned by moderators.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2018 21:22:19 GMT
Yeah, you don't have to be attracted to women to make it all too clear you think of them as lesser beings, and I'm so lucky to know some absolutely wonderful gay men but they are being very let down by a small but nasty contingent.
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Post by Dawnstar on Nov 7, 2018 21:25:13 GMT
It's not harassment per se it's the way that some Board Members feel it's ok to talk about/to women, making misogyinistic comments, throwing around comments about appearance and weight, comments like 'whore' cropping up over and over...I could go on but that's the general gist. I couldn't say where on the board it's worse, but there's an increasing air of subtle but noticeable dislike for women that makes this an unpleasant place to be. Especially as a blind eye is turned by moderators. Oh, right, I was evidently thinking of a different sort of harrassment, which would be why I hadn't noticed that. I have noticed a few instances of things like your examples but not that much, probably because I try to avoid the more contentious discussions on here. Yeah, you don't have to be attracted to women to make it all too clear you think of them as lesser beings, and I'm so lucky to know some absolutely wonderful gay men but they are being very let down by a small but nasty contingent. I was (evidently incorrectly) thinking of the sexual harassment involving men paying women unwanted attentions, which was why I thought that gay men wouldn't be doing it, rather than comments based on sexism.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2018 21:47:10 GMT
Oh god so much this. I mean any woman who has been on dating sites has had the man who won't take no. But also just being a woman existing in the world leaves you open to all manner of unsolicited messages. And no men, it's not just being 'friendly' it's harassment. I wish I could triple like this post! We need a separate thread of all the daily struggles of being a woman! A lot of men don’t realise how ingrained it is in many women to be wary of strange men, and how we modify our behaviour and risk assess constantly for our safety. There was a really interesting thread on twitter recently where someone proposed ‘imagine all men have a 9pm curfew - what would you do?’ And the replies were things like ‘go to the supermarket alone’ ‘go for a run after dark’ ‘take that shortcut through the park’ so many men expressed that they had no idea women worry or think about these things, it didn’t occur to them! However hard we fight for parity, men will always be generally bigger and stronger than women so there will always be that fear. I recently had to explain to my husband why I was so angry about some workmen coming earlier than they’d said and how this meant I couldn’t have a shower, and that this threw my day out. He’s a feminist, pretty clued up about this stuff, and he was agog at the idea that I wouldn’t have a shower when there were four strange men in the house. Never crossed his mind that this was just a complete no-no for (I think) any woman alone in the house.
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Post by 49thand8th on Nov 7, 2018 21:53:32 GMT
Oh god so much this. I mean any woman who has been on dating sites has had the man who won't take no. But also just being a woman existing in the world leaves you open to all manner of unsolicited messages. And no men, it's not just being 'friendly' it's harassment. I wish I could triple like this post! We need a separate thread of all the daily struggles of being a woman! A lot of men don’t realise how ingrained it is in many women to be wary of strange men, and how we modify our behaviour and risk assess constantly for our safety. There was a really interesting thread on twitter recently where someone proposed ‘imagine all men have a 9pm curfew - what would you do?’ And the replies were things like ‘go to the supermarket alone’ ‘go for a run after dark’ ‘take that shortcut through the park’ so many men expressed that they had no idea women worry or think about these things, it didn’t occur to them! However hard we fight for parity, men will always be generally bigger and stronger than women so there will always be that fear. Here's that curfew thread if anyone's interested. And you should be.
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Post by Roxie on Nov 7, 2018 22:31:12 GMT
YES to all of the above! I’m gonna start a thread where we can discuss feminism and being a woman in today’s world. See ya there?
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Post by 49thand8th on Nov 15, 2018 20:18:11 GMT
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Post by raider80 on Nov 19, 2018 4:22:05 GMT
I take this happened the day it of NYC's first snow. Can I ask a question? Did the "fan" really expect them to come out in the snow??? That person must be crazy.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 16:58:26 GMT
Also, the real question is, if she is 16, how can she afford so many theatre tickets? I'm 30, I work, and can't go to the theatre as many times as I'd like to!
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Post by LaLuPone on Feb 1, 2019 17:01:33 GMT
Do we know who this person is? I kinda want to know how they look. I’m glad I’m not the only one! I’m dying to find out who they all are!!!
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Post by shady23 on Feb 1, 2019 17:05:33 GMT
Is it the same lot who famously put the cupcakes on the stage at Heathers during the show and Carrie told them off for it?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 17:28:28 GMT
Do we know who this person is? I kinda want to know how they look. Yes we do know who they are (two in particular seem to be the ring leaders) us knowing who they are is why we can so accurately recall numerous inappropriate events. They are 16/17 maybe 18 at a push but certainly not any older. There behavior is inappropriate but at the end of the day they seem to be very immature and maybe cant tell they are pushing boundaries.
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Post by stagey on Feb 1, 2019 17:40:38 GMT
Wonder if it’s any of the same fans as the fans of Six. That show seems to have some strong fandom who travel across the country to see it and seem to think they’re close to particular members of the cast. There’s a difference between enjoying a show and revisiting it a few times because you like it and simply going to a show every week just for the sake of it.
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Post by sophie92 on Feb 1, 2019 17:41:01 GMT
Also, the real question is, if she is 16, how can she afford so many theatre tickets? I'm 30, I work, and can't go to the theatre as many times as I'd like to! They’re about 18/19, and working
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 17:43:14 GMT
Also, the real question is, if she is 16, how can she afford so many theatre tickets? I'm 30, I work, and can't go to the theatre as many times as I'd like to! They’re about 18/19, and working (when they’re not calling in sick because they have to go and see understudies!) Oh my!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 17:51:43 GMT
Also, the real question is, if she is 16, how can she afford so many theatre tickets? I'm 30, I work, and can't go to the theatre as many times as I'd like to! I know of someone around the same age who has seen the show 66 times, paid full price front Stalls seats most times since August, including almost every performance in January. So younger fans are clearly dedicated and have the coin to go with it. 😂😂
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Post by shady23 on Feb 1, 2019 18:33:27 GMT
I'm assuming they still live at home so don't have the crazy bills we do.
All their wages can go on their hobby.
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Post by No. on Feb 1, 2019 18:45:06 GMT
Also, the real question is, if she is 16, how can she afford so many theatre tickets? I'm 30, I work, and can't go to the theatre as many times as I'd like to! I know of someone around the same age who has seen the show 66 times, paid full price front Stalls seats most times since August, including almost every performance in January. So younger fans are clearly dedicated and have the coin to go with it. 😂😂 whaaaat?? I’m 16 and my £4.20 an hour on weekends could never manage that 😂 I have to save for a while to book anything before I even consider booking a ticket
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Post by crabtree on Feb 1, 2019 18:54:04 GMT
I find this obsession rather tragic - there's enthusiasm for a show, but often these people have not seen the show that night. But they often confuse the character's on stage and the emotions portrayed as reality, and seeing the actors at the stage door seems to give them some sort of ownership. This has gone on for decades and centuries, across all the arts. I'm in a different branch but still used to make public appearances and had a terrifying stalker way crossing the line of liking my work. The old D'Oyly Carte used to bring out the obsessive nature of some fans. There's a book to be written about all this.
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Post by LaLuPone on Feb 1, 2019 19:14:46 GMT
Also, the real question is, if she is 16, how can she afford so many theatre tickets? I'm 30, I work, and can't go to the theatre as many times as I'd like to! I know of someone around the same age who has seen the show 66 times, paid full price front Stalls seats most times since August, including almost every performance in January. So younger fans are clearly dedicated and have the coin to go with it. 😂😂 Isn't this an ex-board member?? I think I know who you mean anyway!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 19:16:43 GMT
Please do tell, hahah!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 20:52:54 GMT
Also, the real question is, if she is 16, how can she afford so many theatre tickets? I'm 30, I work, and can't go to the theatre as many times as I'd like to! I know of someone around the same age who has seen the show 66 times, paid full price front Stalls seats most times since August, including almost every performance in January. So younger fans are clearly dedicated and have the coin to go with it. 😂😂 When you know exactly who this is 😉
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 21:44:45 GMT
Also, the real question is, if she is 16, how can she afford so many theatre tickets? I'm 30, I work, and can't go to the theatre as many times as I'd like to! I know of someone around the same age who has seen the show 66 times, paid full price front Stalls seats most times since August, including almost every performance in January. So younger fans are clearly dedicated and have the coin to go with it. 😂😂 What am I doing wrong? I’m 26 and I could never afford to do this 🙈
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Post by cheesy116 on Feb 1, 2019 22:54:03 GMT
Is it that guy who used to always argue with Daniel J ? AliceFearnFan ?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2019 22:57:48 GMT
Is it that guy who used to always argue with Daniel J ? AliceFearnFan ? Firstly I love that it's he used to argue with me rather than me with him. 😂 and it is him indeed haha, but we get on fine now, we follow eachother on Instagram and Twitter and occasionally comment or tweet on each others stuff. *hell just froze over* 😂
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